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Shaping Diamonds

It has been almost ten years since I became a mom of three sweet kids. How adorable it has been cuddling my babies and taking care of them. However, challenging times have come as they have been growing up. Sometimes, I have felt defeated parenting my children. Nevertheless, in seeking to improve as a mom, I have found that listening carefully to my children has helped me nurture them in a positive way.

When I heard a fracas between my two first children, before they told me anything, I had already assumed what had happened. Frequently, I made my own presumption that my big kid, six years old, was responsible for the conflict, not my little one of 4 years. After I scolded my daughter, she complained tearfully, “You always think I behave intentionally bad instead of believing it is accidental.” I froze because it was true, and I felt sorry that I had thought she was a bad girl. It did not mean that I should allow fights or accept with bad behavior, but I realized that I must change my performance to resolve these situations. “How should I do it?” I thought. Through experience, I have learned some useful ways to steer the bad behavior of my children in a good direction.  The first step is keeping calm. Then I try to be rational and impartial, so I do not jump to conclusions. I listen to each one say what happened and what they did. Next, I ask questions or use models that can help them understand their mistakes, such as “Would you like to be in your brother’s shoes?” Finally, we talk about better ways to manage the problem. Everyone has the opportunity to learn from mistakes.

I believe that what I expect and what I think about my children has an impact on their perception.